Archive for Stories

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PseudoPod 26: Flat Diane


Flat Diane

by Daniel Abraham

In the picture, Flat Diane has been taped around a wide pillar, her arms and legs bending back out of sight. A long black cloth wraps across where the eyes might be, had Ian drawn them in; a blindfold.

The man who Ian doesn’t know, has never met, is caressing a drawn-in breast. His tongue protrudes from his viciously grinning mouth, its tip flickering distance from the silhouette’s thigh. He looks not like Satan, but like someone who wishes that he were, someone trying very hard to be.

The writing on the back of the photograph is block letters, written in blue felt-tip.

It reads: Flat Diane has gone astray.

A new photograph comes every week. Some might be amusing to another person; most make him want to retch.

The best trick Hell has to play against its inmates is to whisper to them that this — this now — is the bottom. Nothing can be worse than this. And then to pull the floor away.

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PseudoPod 25: Fetching Pepé


Fetching Pepé

by K. A. Patterson

In the photo he was holding a large, thick black snake. Three other large snakes encircled his neck and legs.

“That’s me, Zorbo the Great, snake charmer extraordinaire! Now I am retired. No longer working for circus. I do lecture tour now. Talk to children ’bout snakes. Make them no worry that snakes might bite them. Tell them not all snakes are hurtful.”

“That’s wonderful,” Carol said, impressed. “What am I to do for you and Mrs. Dicicco?”

“You help me get Pepé.” Zorbo said, taking a moment to puff on his pipe.

The tobacco he used gave off a pleasant, fruity scent.

“Pepé?”

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PseudoPod 024: Honest Ghosts


Honest Ghosts

by Stephen Dedman

“I thought that having the name would be enough – I remember you saying that we remember the Ripper and the Boston Strangler and Zodiac because they had cool names, while almost nobody remembers John Haigh or George Smith or Jerry Brudos. I wrote to the police and the papers, but I don’t think they’ve taken me seriously… but if you were to write a letter, it’d be different. You’re a writer, you know how it should be done, what it should say.”

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PseudoPod 023: Civilized Monsters


Civilized Monsters

by Johnny Compton

“You see that?” Randolph asked, referring to the dingy shard of bone within the bag. “Recognize it?”

Before Kyle could answer, a thump sounded through the ceiling.

Randolph looked up but kept the gun aimed at Kyle’s face. “Hanna? Is that you? It’s ten o’clock, I figured you’d be asleep by now. Why don’t you come downstairs–?”

“Hanna stay up there!” Kyle shouted. “Randolph’s down here with a gun and he’s lost his mind.?”

A second later, the red light on the base of the kitchen phone blinked.

“You’re going to call the police?” Randolph asked Hanna. “Go right ahead. I’m sure they’d be as interested as I am to know where you’re keeping the bodies.”

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PseudoPod 022: Them Eyes

Show Notes

What is time? Episode numbers are a construct of an uncaring world.


Them Eyes

by Nicholas Ozment

She’s standing in the kitchen. She’s on the phone. She’s got it to her right ear, ‘cuz pulpy head-juice is runnin’ down her left ear. She’s talking into the phone.

“Guess what your son-in-law did this time? He killed me.”

I grab the phone out of her gore-soaked hand, slam it down all sticky onto the receiver. I yell at her.

“You know what you just did?! You just signed your mother’s death warrant.”

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PseudoPod 021: Fetal Position


Fetal Position

by Joel Arnold

And now Rudy opened the box?s lid, his fingers responding to the familiarity of his name carved carefully into the top. He lifted the dried cord from it and placed it carefully in the water. It reacted to its new environment, expanding and uncoiling in the water?s warm comfort. He took a small penknife from his pant?s pocket and jabbed his middle finger. Small droplets of blood welled from the wound and he let them fall into the warm tap water. A few drops were all it needed.

The thing in the sink squirmed and writhed. He took off his shirt. Took a deep breath. Looked at himself in the mirror. Funny, the little surprises life tosses you, he thought.

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PseudoPod 020: What You Wish For


What You Wish For

by Stephen Dedman

Mara looked at the pictures, and smiled as she transformed into a clone-copy of the woman. “Nice,” she said, “very nice,” then turned around and looked up at Roy from between her legs. “Is this what you had in mind?” she asked, her hands on her lovely rump, opening herself to his view. “Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe.” She giggled. “It’s even legal, and if it weren’t, I wouldn’t tell anybody. I won’t even scream, unless you want me to. Or do you want to spank me first?” He said nothing. “You teachers don’t get to do that any more, do you?”

“Why the Hell are you here?”

She looked innocent. “Don’t you know the saying? Never look a gift whore in the mouth.”

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PseudoPod 019: Through the Many Corridors


Through the Many Corridors

by Douglas F. Warrick

It was weird, wasn’t it? Weird how little it impressed him. It was an alien world, after all, a whole new planet, a landscape that held only a vague familiarity with the world he’d been born in, the atmosphere he’d inhaled for twenty-nine years. Maybe that’s it. It was just congruent enough to orient yourself, to fool yourself into thinking you were okay here. Up was up, down was down, you could breathe the air. But you weren’t okay here. You were drawn into this landscape by a different artist using a different pallet and a different technique and you just weren’t okay here.

Art took the cigarette out of his mouth and pointed up ahead. “Chalkie.”

It was at the very edge of the road with its long doughy fingers wrapped over the top of the metal barrier. Its skin was dry, dusty, cracked and curling like old paint, and dull white like chalk. Its tiny black eyes were set deep into its face, which was long and snoutish and bald. Even when nothing on this planet seemed to reflect the glow of that big red moon, the bleeding moon, those eyes picked it up like deep black wells.