Tailpiece

by Harry Graham

My son Augustus, in the street, one day,

Was feeling quite exceptionally merry.

A stranger asked him: ‘Can you tell me, pray,

The quickest way to Brompton Cemetery ?’

‘The quickest way? You bet I can!’ said Gus,

And pushed the fellow underneath a bus.

Whatever people say about my son,

He does enjoy his little bit of fun.

The Second Awakening Of A Magician

by S.L. Dennis

The evening show was over. From the flapping entrance of the circus tent a small audience trooped out into the windy darkness: a few couples drawing closer as they disappeared into the night; a string of tittering girls, arms linked, bubbling with excitement and glancing back over their shoulders at the group of noisy youths slouching behind; two or three smart people who had been sitting self-consciously in the special screened-off enclosure, grown-ups in whose hearts, perhaps, a delight in spangles and sawdust had lingered since childhood, and who, in spite of a feeling of disappointment after every visit, still returned to the fruitless search for the glamour of those dream days; and last but not least a straggling, shouting, ragged mob of urchins, sticky with sweets and oranges, most of whom had crawled under the sides of the tent and evaded with practiced ease all efforts to catch them.

(Continue Reading…)

A Rose For Emily

by William Faulkner

I

When Miss Emily Grierson died, our whole town went to her funeral: the men through a sort of respectful affection for a fallen monument, the women mostly out of curiosity to see the inside of her house, which no one save an old negro manservant—a combined gardener and cook—had seen in at least ten years. (Continue Reading…)

Christmas Eve In Beach House

By E Lynn Linton

It seemed as if the Mackenzies were under a spell, and that none of the men were ever destined to die in their beds. We sometimes see this strange law of persistent accident run through a family, and generation after generation fulfils what looks like the ordained decree, either of violent death or loss by fire, either of shipwreck or that mysterious and sudden disappearance when a person goes under like a stone in the water, and is never heard of again. I, who write this, know of a family where the law of “running away” has been in force for four generations; one or more lads of each brood having run away from home, school, or legal master as the case might be—some turning up again after a season of wild-oat-sowing, perhaps all the better for the process, but others gone forever, and their ultimate fate a mystery, never cleared up. 

The law of the Mackenzies was, as I have said, a violent end. Old Zachary the grandfather, and Michael the father, of Captain Charles, had both died of their sins or, as the traditional phrase went, “died standing;” and Captain Charles himself had disappeared. He was a married man, but a wild one, according to the way of the Mackenzies; and ten years ago had been serving with his regiment in Cornwall, while his wife and two children left behind in London never knew more of him than that he was reported absent when he should have returned to his quarters at Truro after a week’s leave, and that from that time to this he was missing, and had left no trace behind. Every effort had been made to find him, but without success; and his family had by now almost given up the hope not only of seeing him again but of knowing what his end had been; though indeed his widow, poor soul, who loved him as certain women do love scampish men, handsome, affectionate, generous, and unfaithful, still clung to hope against hope, and refused to wear the conventional weeds, or do more than “provisionally” administer to his effects. Still, there the mystery of his fate remained, and it looked likely enough to remain a mystery to the end of time. Meanwhile the son grew up, and went out into the world; and now the daughter Alice had just married Walter Garwood, a young man of some means and roving habits, and so had begun life on her own account when this story opens. (Continue Reading…)

Cyanide Constellations

By Sara Tantlinger

In the daylight, I pretend nothing can hurt me, but we both know that has never been true. What hides in shadow or creeps through the night must exist during dewy mornings and August afternoons.

I stretch my limbs beneath the buttery warmth of late summer sun, using the dirt of our never-planted garden as my bed. Heat penetrates defenseless skin, burning flesh with strips of red along my arms and legs where the dress you loved offers no protection. I should go inside, keep the lights off and hide within the cool darkness of air conditioning, but here I remain, glued to the soil as if the sun melted my body into gooey strips, pinned down like butterfly wings mounted on a board, my brittle body to be sold as art. Who would buy the art of me if there is no you? (Continue Reading…)

Give A Dog A Bone

by Richard Dansky

A dog always remembers where he buries a bone.

Wolves, not so much. Wolves aren’t the burying type. They don’t save for later, because they know they can always make another kill. And they don’t bury the evidence of the past, because they damn well want other predators to know they’re there.

Doesn’t mean a wolf can’t sniff out a burial site, though. Doesn’t mean they can’t find what’s dead and buried, even when there’s no more meat on the bone. Just not something wolves like doing, most of the time. But dogs are dogs, and that’s all they’ll ever be. (Continue Reading…)

Do It

By Paul Tremblay

It’s early March 1993 and Generation X sorely needs an antihero. Not a folk hero, you fucking hippies. Not a sponsored, manufactured musician in Chuck Taylors and unwashed hair, not even if he’s a morosely self-aware and self-flagellating genius (sorry, Kurt). Certainly not one of those pre-packaged, obnoxiously beautiful sellouts from The Real World. We need one of us. We need someone who is living this shit for real and not someone washing themselves in a corporate spotlight. We need someone like Kelly G. (Continue Reading…)

Madame Painte: For Sale

By John Langan

“This?” the man behind the counter says. “Why, this is Madame Painte.”

The figure is short, a foot and a half tall, and squat, about the same dimensions across, composed of what might be porcelain. The face is round, the eyes squeezed shut by the wide smile lifting the cheeks. A pointed hat fails to conceal the pointed tips of the figure’s ears. It wears a long apron dress over a peasant blouse. A somewhat typical garden gnome, you think, except for the colors, from which it obviously derives its name. It’s been painted without regard for the margins of clothing and skin. Black, green, and orange slash down the figure from right to left. The face is mostly dark green, the hat orange mixed with black. A splash of white paint traverses the closed eyes; the effect is less a mask and more a piece of webbing. You saw the figure sitting to the left of the door to the antique shop as you walked up the path to it and were so struck by its remarkable grotesquerie that you lifted and carried it inside, setting it on the front counter. On the way, you read the notecard strung to the top of the hat: MUST BE KEPT OUTSIDE.

“I didn’t mean its name,” you start.

“Of course not,” the man says. He’s on the small side, more wiry than slender. Based on the ratio of salt to pepper in his mustache and hair, he’s somewhere in the deep middle of middle age. He says, “You meant the warning.”

“Must be kept outside,” you read. “Why must?”

“The official reason is, she’s covered in lead paint.”

You step back from the counter, wipe your hands on your jeans. “There’s an unofficial reason?”

“There’s a story,” the man says. “Would you like to hear it? It’s brief.” (Continue Reading…)