PseudoPod 1038: Red Ripper
Red Ripper
By Gordon Grice
Listen, I could still stretch half you pups if I felt like it. Sit down and learn something about the business. Did I ever tell you about the Red Ripper? I got a special reason for telling about him, because he’s come back to settle up with me. I never cared who he was under the hood, not until the night they went after him with a Polaroid. He was a good traveling buddy, and kind of a mentor, so what did I care? Wish to God I’d never got curious.
Some of the young guys thought Rip had a stick up his ass because he took his gimmick so serious. He never took that hood off, not even in the locker room. So one night they decided to pull a swerve on him. Rip had just gone broadway with Dory, and he comes back to the locker room and peels off everything but the hood. He’s standing there naked. Gray hair bristled on those round shoulders of his, and his balls hung halfway to his knees. What, you didn’t know that happens when you get old? Now you got something to look forward to.
Anyway, I saw one of the guys signal to another one, so I knew a swerve was up. Rip gets in the shower and one of the guys pounces into the next stall with a camera and the other guy gives him a leg up. The first guy leans over Rip’s stall and snaps a picture. I saw the flash and heard the bulb crack—they used to crack, boys, back in those days. One of the other old guys looked up and grunted a little, kind of annoyed about the flash, but he didn’t say anything. After a second, we heard Rip cussing in that grizzly-bear voice of his. The young guys ran for it like little kids. Rip comes out of the shower lacing his mask, soaped-up and cussing, and the mask is loose and flopping around, which made it look like his head was swollen up half again its normal size. Those two boys grabbed their gear and hightailed it.
Nobody laughed at Rip. Nobody needled him. People just stared at him a minute, and he stood there dripping, and then he turned around and went back into the shower. After a minute he came out with his mask laced up tight and got dressed and motioned for me to get a move on. (Continue Reading…)
