All the Ways to Hollow Out a Girl
by Gwendolyn Kiste
It’s almost noon on Friday when the neighborhood boys murder me again for the third time this week.
They do it with their hands today, bulging knuckles blanching white, their sweaty fingers wrapped tight around my throat. The three of them circle over me, grinning and guffawing, like this is a fraternity hazing and not my life at stake.
We’re in a field out behind the high school where we’ll all start ninth grade in a few months, provided I live long enough to see it. Crushed beneath their weight, I kick and scratch, desperate for this time to turn out differently. Then all at once, the world fades to a dusty gray, a familiar numbness coming over me, and that’s when I know I’ve died.
I’ve never asked the boys—and I doubt they’d tell me—how long I stay dead, but judging from the fact that the sun never dips too far across the sky while I’m gone, I’d say it’s no more than a few minutes. From my end, it feels like only an instant, the same as waking from a long night’s sleep, when it’s as if no time at all has passed since you closed your eyes.
The boys come back into focus, hazy at first, their bodies still lingering over me. I hate that they get to watch me while I’m away. The thought of them pushing nearer, crowding around the husk of me. How they get to be with me, even when I’m not here.
“How are you feeling?” one of them asks and helps me to my feet, as though he honestly believes he’s a gentleman. The question, of course, isn’t for my benefit. These boys are genuinely curious what happens to me, where I go, what it’s like. That’s part of the fun for them, though let’s face it: most of their fun comes from the killing.
I don’t answer them. Instead, I inch away, one small step at a time. While I can think of a few things they do deserve, an explanation isn’t one of them. Besides, I have to be quick and get out of here, or else they might try to do it again.
“See you tomorrow,” they call after me, snickering, and I wish I could cut their tongues from their mouths, so I never have to hear them laugh at me again. (Continue Reading…)